You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
