why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
