And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
