Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
