I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
