doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
soo... how was my night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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