What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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