did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
