...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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