You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
