we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
