I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
