Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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