All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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