my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think people are normalizing furries
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
