Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
