i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
