she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
