its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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