Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
