Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
