im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
