thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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