It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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