i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
