we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
