Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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