That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
