Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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