I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
