Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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