sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
