I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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