He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
two words...techno handjob
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
