the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
