I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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