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The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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