Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
