he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
