You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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