come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
