My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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