Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
