Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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