If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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