my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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