Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
