GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
