Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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