Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
