eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
