So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
