Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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